Ask James:

Dear James,

I have a friend says that Canada is the place where American fads go to die. Is this true? If so, do Canadians still wear rayon paisley shirts, parachute pants and eat ban muffins? I would also like to become a member of the fashion club that wear those cool “Members Only” jackets. Do you have any idea how one can become a member, the jacket doesn’t indicate?

Thanks,
Harry
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Dear Harry,


Canadians hate being compared to Americans, but they love bran muffins! It would be a bit presumptuous, however, to conclude from this that all American fads limp off to the North to die. Rayon, paisley shirts and parachute pants actually can actually be seen currently circulating in many former Soviet republics, where they are trying desperately to generate a renaissance.

Members Only jackets are a bit more difficult to track down. Trusted sources tell me that these jackets are available only to the most elite members of society - successful third-party presidential candidates, members of the Skull and Bones Society, and left-handed Inuit cowboys. Imitation jackets are available for purchase in dark alleys and from many less reputable on-line merchants, but a safer alternative may in fact be to find happiness in more populist pursuits, such as skeet shooting or complaining about the Shadow Government with other conspiracy theorists.

Many of these conspiracy mongrels can be found in several former Soviet republics, trading in rayon, paisley shirts and parachute pants.

James