Ask James

Dear James,

I have a problem with a friend of mine. This friend recently purchasedan article of clothing that he/she believes is 100% cashmere. As a "fashionista" myself, I can see that this article of clothing is clearly not 100% cashmere, but merely a cashmere blend. Should I confront myfriend about his/her mistake or should I let them go on misleading themselves and others. I want them to be happy but I also don't to devalue those of us who purchase non-blended cashmere products. Andfinally, does my love of cashmere make me a pansy?Please give council.

Tippy

Dear Tippy,

I am sure that your friend appreciates your deep concern for him/her, while also deeply resenting your secretiveness and underhanded way of trying to solve your problem. Dear Abby would probably suggest having a constructive dialogue about it, but this is not that kind of advice column.

That said, I think I can help you. Many articles of clothing, excepting most socks, have a label nestled somewhere inside them. This label contains lots of useful information about the article of clothing, including the brand name, the size, its country of origin, any special instructions for the care of said article, and of course its composition. (In many shirts, the label is along the neck line, in the back. On scarves, it is usually near one end. I'm pretty sure that cashmere pants and underwear are not widely available.) If the article of clothing in dispute is, in fact, real 100% cashmere, then the label should read "100% cashmere." Any clothing maker worth a dime, especially brand name clothiers like Louis Boston (to pick one at random), would, 1. never manufacture a cashmere blend, and 2. even if they did, they would certainly not be dishonest about it. So, trust the label. But how to read the label on your friend's article of clothing?Easy. In a non-threatening way, confront your friend and ask him or her if you can just sneak a peek at the label on their article of clothing. In a society with frayed social norms like ours, people actually appreciate - or at the very least are no longer surprised - by direct questions like this. (That said, if the article is some form of cashmere underwear, try starting a conversation about clothing labels, specifically underwear. This is good lunchroom small talk.) If the label indicates that the article is a cashmere blend, try not to make your friend feel inadequate or ashamed. Instead, smile warmly and say, "Wow, blends are so realistic these days!" If the label indicates 100% cashmere, do not be afraid to touch it. Connoisseurs of cashmere generally wear it and draw attention to it because they like to be touched, possibly because they need human contact more than the rest of us."

Finally, regarding the question of pansy or not pansy: I'm afraid it is not nearly as simple as your devotion to cashmere. Pansyhood - or pansiness, as some call it - is complex and difficult to define. However, it is generally accepted that any one of the following characteristics will make a person mostly pansy: standing too close to other people on a crowded train, chewing food before swallowing it, or drinking water. Wearing cashmere only makes a pansy more pansy.

Thank you for Asking James.