This happened to my friend Gordon...no, really...

Turkey Terrorizes State Troopers

It was a brief but glorious run along an Ohio highway for one ornery turkey.
On Feb. 11, a state trooper pulled over a pickup truck on a rural stretch of road in Hancock County, only to be confronted by a large male turkey that walked out of a field.
Dashboard video shows the angry avian pecking at the officer and chasing him back to his patrol car, reports WCMH-TV of Columbus.
"That's a big bird," his partner says, laughing. "I think he likes you."
Two days later, a driver called to say that the big bad bird had cornered him in his SUV.
Another officer was sent out to investigate — and was also chased back into his car. That dashboard video shows the harassed driver taking pictures.
The testy turkey then jumped on the police car, pecked at the hood and sat down for 20 minutes, all while the terrified trooper was trapped inside.
Finally, someone from the Ohio Department of Natural Resources' (search) Division of Wildlife came by to free the humans from the feathered menace.
Alas, the plucky pecker was put down after five days in captivity, several days before a local woman called to say her pet turkey "Wild Thing" had gone missing, reports the Toledo Blade.
— Thanks to Out There readers Steve S., Katherine L. and Greg A.
Feel Chilly? Roast a Bird
An Orlando, Fla., property management company is feeling heat for telling apartment dwellers they can fight the winter cold by cooking a large turkey, reports WFTV-TV.
"Slow cooking a roast in the oven or baking your favorite cookies can help take the chill off," the memo sent to hundreds of tenants at the Monterey Lake Apartments (search) went on to say.
Apparently, the complex's heat doesn't even kick in until temperatures drop to the mid-40s, and then takes 48 hours to reach full capacity — meaning a lot of warm days are followed by frigid nights at home.
"I have frozen my butt off when no heat has been turned on for an entire week when the temp was in and around the 40s," writes one resident in an online review of the apartment complex.
The heating-via-stove policy makes some chattering teeth quake with anger.
"We have gas. That's very dangerous. What do you want, the whole place to explode?" complained one resident.
The Orange County Fire Department agrees.
"Ovens are used to cook. They shouldn't be used as a heating device," said a spokeswoman.
Reporters from WFTV tried to speak to more residents last week, but were chased off the property.
— Thanks to Out There reader Susan A.
Chuck Chases His Last Car
WHITTIER, Iowa (AP) — A wild turkey who lived life in the fast lane near this eastern Iowa town has died doing what he did best — chasing cars.
The turkey, called Chuck by some and Jake by others, showed up more than a year ago and starting harassing drivers by standing in the road with his feathers ruffled.
Neighbors say the turkey was run over Jan. 31 by a car flying through town that no one recognized. They buried him.
"At least you can't say he lived a dull life," said Shirley Hadenfeldt, who lives nearby. "There's a lot of people who slow down looking for him who don't realize he's gone."
She said Chuck apparently didn't want to bite the hand that fed him. He'd stand aside for farm tractors.
"But let it be a car or semi and he'd be right out there after them," Hadenfeldt said. "I don't know what possessed him."
Hadenfeldt said, sadly, it's been a lot quieter on her stretch of road since Chuck died, and the three hens he attracted "are nowhere around."
Wild Turkeys Living On the Edge
ANETA, N.D. (AP) — A wild turkey flock may be crazy for moving to this town, which claims it holds the world's largest turkey barbecue each summer.
Wayne Short's backyard is a popular hangout for the turkeys. He said he thinks the big birds have been misinformed.
"When they find out we're having turkey barbecue instead of a barbecue for turkeys, they'll be gone like a shot," Short said.